Reflections

As you may have read here, my baby sister recently got engaged and is getting married!  I honestly couldn't be happier for her or her fiancé.

With all of this happiness and excitement comes the realization that my baby sister isn't a baby any more.  Seriously, when did that happen?  But, anyway, with all of this news I have been thinking about what it means to be a sister.

And though Dictionary.com has a point with it's definition, a female offspring having both parents in common with another offspring: female sibling. that just doesn't really seem to do it for me.

You see, for me...at the age of five, when my sister was born... having a sister meant having a real live baby doll.  She was everything my baby dolls were and more.  She was warm and soft and she reacted to me.  She smelled sweeter than any baby doll ever could.  And, every chance I got, I tried to step in and be her mama.

As I got a little older, and so did she... my sister was still like my living, breathing doll.  I dressed her up; I fed her concoctions of pickles, peanut butter and yogurt.... which surprisingly she ate; I 'taught' her school, and dance.  She was a little sponge that was soaking up all of my attention and loving it, while all the time, I saw it as me being the one having all the fun.

Time kept passing, though, and age differences, puberty, boys, and middle school friends made my baby sister seem more like a pain than the joy that she used to be.  This little girl who would do anything for me, who I begged for her to be able to sleep in my room, was now the very little girl that I wished would just go away and leave me alone.  Not because I didn't love her, because that is just something that happens sometimes.

And, though we didn't have the same type of relationship we once did, she was still my baby sister.  I would still hurt anyone who even thought of hurting her.  I dared anyone to mess with her.  She was growing up and getting into the same type of things I now liked.  And, I didn't want to admit it, but when she chose things that we like the things I liked, I would just beam inside.  And, I probably gave her a hard time for wanting to be just like me, but in reality, I loved it.

Even still, with each passing day, our relationship changes.  However, the changes in it are quite subtle and don't entail a screaming match.  I have watched her over the past years as she has grown and changed and become the woman she is today.  I wonder how my life would have been different without her to experience it with.  I wonder if I would be as good of a friend if I hadn't had this friendship throughout my life.  I wonder how things might have been different if she had been the big sister.  And, though, I wonder these things, I am glad that I don't have the answers.  Having the answers would mean changing my life, my relationship with her and that isn't something that I would ever want.

Being a big sister meant, and still means, having responsibility to a younger sibling.  For me, it was such a fun and loving experience, even though there were times that I couldn't see that.  And as I look back, and then forward to my baby sister's wedding, to another change in the dynamic of our relationship, I think about my daughter, Emma, and the kind of sister that she will be.

Will she want to be called "Little Mama" like I did?  Will a new sibling, to her, just be someone to vie for my attention?  She currently loves baby dolls... will a baby sibling be like a real live baby doll to her?  Will she hide a new siblings' paci and diaper?  Will she kick his or her crib?  Or, will she shower a new sibling with kisses and want to be apart of every single second of his or her life?

I don't know... yet.  But, I am looking forward to finding out. Soon.  Like, in a little over thirty weeks, soon!  Yep.  You read that right.  In a little over thirty weeks Emma will be a big sister!  Chuck and I are so excited for the newest member of our family to make his or her debut!  And, we are hoping that Emma will be as excited about a new baby as we are!