A Little Anxiety

I'm feeling a little anxious tonight.  We have had a super fun, but busy weekend and I am exhausted.  It is usually when I get tired that anxiety creeps in.  I have an appointment with my OB/GYN tomorrow afternoon to check on the baby one last time before surgery on Tuesday.

I have been okay until today.  Well, actually that's probably not the honest truth.  I have been anxious all weekend.  And, when I get anxious, I tend to go silent.  So, I'm sure all of the people that I was around this weekend probably thought that I was being rude... that I'm cold.  I don't mean to come across that way, but I do.  I've been told that before by several people.  It sucks.

But, anyway, I'm anxious about my surgery.  I know that compared to other situations, it isn't a big deal.  But to me, it is.  There are things that could go wrong, there is a chance that I could lose this baby.  Although the likelihood of anything bad happening is small, it is still there.  I've played out all the what ifs in my mind over and over again.  And, it didn't help to find a magazine in my mailbox with a huge spread about Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep photography.

I thought that I would handle it better this time.  I thought I would be prepared.  I knew that this cerclage would happen even before I had the first one put it.  I have known that this day would come since July 2008, but it doesn't make it any easier.  It didn't allow me to prepare myself any better.

I have prayed specifically for this baby for a year now.  It was this time last year that Chuck and I were ready for another baby.  Then it took us until the end of this summer to get pregnant.  And, I have worried about this baby in a way that I never worried about Emma when I was pregnant with her.  Literally everything about this pregnancy has been different!

Please say a prayer for this sweet baby, my doctor and medical team that will be performing the surgery, as well as Chuck and me.

Thank you!