Sunday, August 16, 2009


For most of my life I have struggled with trying to figure out my purpose in life. And, although I still am not completely sure of what it is, I think that I am one step closer to it. Not that I think that I will ever completely understand what God has planned for me, but I heard something today that really changed my way of thinking.

I went to Sunday School and Church this morning at the Church that I grew up in. It is honestly the first time I have been to any Sunday School in years. The class that I attended is studying a book called Crazy Love. (I decided to borrow it and read this morning so that I would be prepared, at least somewhat, for class.)

As we went through the lesson and talked about differents points, I was very pleased with having made the decision to attend. And it was when we were wrapping up the lesson with a complimentary video that God made himself known to me in a way that truly opened my eyes.

In the video, Francis Chan, the author of Crazy Love, was talking about our purpose. He said that we need to be concerned more with God's purpose for our life TODAY and less concerned with our life's purpose. Not to say that our life's purpose isn't important, because it is. And, trust me, he put in words that make more sense than what I am able to right here.

But anyway, this hit home with me because I have, so many times, lost the purpose of the day because I am too worried about the rest of my life. Also, who am I to think that I have any more time on this earth? This is a huge eye opener to me to realize that yes, I have a purpose in life, but I also have a purpose in EVERY SINGLE DAY. Wow. That is huge.

How many days have I failed God because I was overlooking the purpose of that day and trying to focus on a bigger picture that may or may not be in my future? A huge weight has been lifted off of my chest and I have a whole new perspective! It is okay to not know my purpose in life yet. But what is not okay is to go through so many days, like I have been, biding my time until God was ready for me. Hello! He is, and has been, ready for me... I have been the one who hasn't been ready!

Before today, I don't know if my brain could have accepted this information. Notice that I say ACCEPTED... I still do not claim to truly understand all of it. But, what I do know, is that God has a purpose for me EVERY SINGLE DAY and I need to ask Him to help me fulfill each and every one of those. Because, as much as I would like it, my purpose in life may not be something big and great that will change everyone's life. My purpose may just be to live for God every single day in all the little things that I do so that one person can see that and have a desire for Him.

Do you know how much pressure that takes off and, at the same time, puts on me!?!?! It takes pressure off because I am no longer feeling like a failure because I haven't saved the world. It isn't my job to save the world... And, thank goodness for that because I have been trying for years to figure out how and I still am stumped.

However, this new knowledge puts lots of pressure on me. By realizing that I have a purpose EVERY SINGLE DAY, no matter how small it is, by realizing this, I now have to make a choice to do something about it. I have to live in this new found knowledge and hold myself to a different standard. Even when I am tired or it is hard or I am busy, I have to keep my priorities straight and keep my purpose in God's will FIRST.

So, I am embarking on a new chapter in life. It has been the desire of my heart to know God better, but I wasn't really sure how. I have been struggling with so many different things like, churches in the town I currently live, sending my child to the nursery with people I don't know, attending Sunday School or not, the list goes on and on. And, today, after attending a Sunday School class, it hit me. I have just got to do it. I just need to take that first step and go and let God lead me there. I have to let go of the idea of planning everything out and waiting to start attending until things calm down.

I just have to go and know that God will lead and does lead; but He has given me the choice to follow or not and I have to make that choice. For me it isn't a hard choice. I want to follow. But now, I can quit over thinking it; I can quit analyzing and re-analyzing. Now I can just go knowing that it won't always be easy or perfect (by my definitions) or planned out like I think it should be, but it WILL be what it is. And I find purpose in that.

I have included the link for the book Crazy Love( I have only read the first two chapters, but what an impact it has had on my life already. Thank you to my sweet sister-in-law for sharing this book!

1 comment:

  1. Jes, I loved it! I don't think that anything is wrong with 'ordinary'...I actually embrace it more and more the older I get. It is the 'glue' of life for me after all!...keep it going.