Wednesday, January 13, 2010


Vanity... as defined by is:

1.    excessive pride in one's appearance, qualities, abilities,  
       achievements, etc.; character or quality of being vain;
Failure to be elected was a great blow to his vanity.
an instance or display of this quality or feeling.
something about which one is vain.
lack of real value; hollowness; worthlessness: the vanity of a selfish life.
something worthless, trivial, or pointless.
vanity case.
dressing table.
a wide, counterlike shelf containing a wash basin, as in the bathroom of a hotel or residence, often equipped with shelves, drawers, etc., underneath.
a cabinet built below or around a bathroom sink, primarily to hide exposed pipes.

Today, I am a little overcome with it.  Why today?  I have no idea.  After spending the morning in my pajamas with Emma, I finally got a shower when she went down for her afternoon nap.  When I stepped out of the shower, it kicked me in the gut like Emma once did when she was growing in my belly.

I looked in the mirror and all I could see were 'flaws.'  My hair isn't the right color blonde, my skin is pasty and splotchy, I need to lose 20 pounds... My 'flaws' just kept screaming for me to look at them.  So, I did.  I stood in front of the mirror, straight out of the shower, and examined every single 'flaw' that I have.

I decided that I need to continue this three day diet that I am on, although it doesn't seem to be working, check into sunless tanning, and re-shampoo my hair with a shampoo that claims to brighten blonde hair and get rid of the golden tones.

Once I made up my mind to do all of these things, I began putting on my make-up and out of the blue just fell out laughing.  I started laughing because for years now I could have cared less about tanning.  Ask anyone that knows me... I have been pasty and splotchy for so long that I'm not even sure what I would look like with a tan!

Even after a fit of laughter, and reminding myself that these are probably just things that I notice, I still couldn't help but continue standing in front of the mirror.  As hard as I tried to find the positive, I struggled.  Why today must I feel this way?  Why did it have to kick me in the gut today?  I have other things to do, like play with Emma, clean my house and sew!

Oh, vanity, why must you creep in and try to take over my life?