The Bachelor

Okay, admit it, this is your guilty pleasure.  You can't wait for Mondays just so you can watch... Right?  I knew I wasn't the only one!

Seriously, though, do you watch?  I admit that I have been roped in, again.  I am three episodes in and already deciding who I like, who I think is crazy, etc., etc... Well, actually, I made those decisions the moment that the girls stepped out of their limos.

I admit that I didn't watch Brad, the Bachelor's first run, so I don't have much to say about that.  I do wonder, though, why he would go back on the show again... Really, why go back to living a millionaire with women throwing themselves at you all the while traveling to amazing locations and having private concerts by well-know artists?  Why wouldn't you sign back up????

No matter the reasons for coming back, I can't say that I blame the guy.  Before I found my sweet hubby I considered going on the show.  I didn't really believe I would find love, but I did think it would be fun to experience.  But I never applied for the show... Chuck and I have considered lying and trying to get on the show together.  Just kidding.  We did talk about how much fun it would be to get to travel and live like that with someone else footing the bill.

Anyway, back to my point... the girls!  I have to admit that I love Emily... how could you not?  She seems so sweet and her 'story' is touching and she is from the South.  How can you not fall in love with her?   I am so voting for her to be the next Bachelorette!  No matter what, you can't help but want the best the this young woman.

Then there is Michelle.  I admit that I didn't like her at first.  But then, she started to grow on me.  Just as this began happening, she began acting all crazy!  Or, at least that is the way she is edited to appear.  I hate it for her, too.  But, part of me can't help but think that maybe she is taking this 'role' and playing it for all that it's worth.  What do you think?  Is she crazy?  Is it just editing?  Or, is it a bit of both?  I don't know, but I can't help but question if she really thinks that the Bachelor is worth it, since she has know him for like a week or two.  It's a little early, to me, to start planning the wedding... especially since she knows that he's involved with other women.  Come on, woman!  Get yourself together!

Anyway, one of the girls that I was glad to see go was Madison.  This girl is into vampires.  And, I'm sure it is just something 'fun' that she is into, like I'm into photography, but it was portrayed as her 'identity.'  It was just a little weird for me.  I will say, though, that I am impressed that she took herself out of the equation in an effort to be fair to the other girls that were more emotionally invested than she.  I think I would have been selfish and stayed as long as possible so that I could live up the experience!

Some of the other girls that I like... Lisa, from Kansas.  She won me over the first night with her beautiful royal blue dress and 'Ruby slippers.'  I totally think Brad is wrong for her, though, because he didn't get the whole deal with the shoes... You know, Wizard of Oz... Dorothy and the ruby slippers... Kansas.  He totally missed that.

And then there is Ashley S., the Southern girl living in New York, working as a nanny.  I was unimpressed with her groping the Bachelor as soon as she got out of the limo... She must have lived in New York long enough to loose that little bit of Southern Belle class... We don't do such things, at least not on national television on first meeting!  But, I have since forgiven her for it and am beginning to really like her.  She's cute and still has enough of the Southern charm left to capture your heart.

Sure, there are many other girls left, but, really and truly, they haven't made enough of an impression on me yet... There were two girls eliminated Monday night, and I can't even recall their names... There are still several there that I don't know their names.  I don't think that speaks well for how long they will hang around. I guess we shall see!

Happy Saturday!  Try not to wish away your weekend so you can get to Monday night! ;)

Oh, and please, tell me your thoughts!  Who do you love?  Who do you love to hate?

Whew!

I really can't think of any other word to sum up my feelings about today being Friday.  I'm exhausted, but in a good way.  I have had my niece, Laila, for a few days this week and we have had a blast!

Emma and Laila played so hard over the past few days and laughed even harder.  I don't know that any where has ever had so much laughter from two little girls.


From dress up, to dancing and everything in between, they played it all.  My house looked as if a hurricane hit, but I didn't care.  I just enjoyed having them here together.

One of the funniest moments was when I took them to Chick-fil-a to play and have lunch.  They played for a while and then we sat down  for lunch.  They devoured their nuggets and then wanted ice cream.  I got them ice cream cones and watched as they ate them.  They barely got a few licks in before their eyes were half closed... literally.  They both sat in their seats with eyes glazed and ice cream dripping down their hands and into their laps barely eating.  It took a little nudging from me to get them to snap out of it.  We went home for a short nap and they were back up again.







Unfortunately, I didn't capture the moment at Chick-fil-a, but I was able to capture so many others.  They played Mommy to their babies, jumped on Emma's trampoline, played outside, and watched movies... which was one of my favorite things.  They would climb on my bed with me and work to get closest to me.  One minute it would be Emma in my lap and the next thing I knew Laila would be there... Neither wanted to share!

 It was fun to watch the different characteristics that the girls brought out in one another.  Laila, being older, brought out the 'big girl' in Emma.  That was fun to watch, but made me a little sad because it is reality.  Emma seemed to bring out the baby in Laila that is still there, just don't tell her!  She is such a big girl, but has some of those baby characteristics in her that I don't always see.  It's so easy to think of her as a big girl, but really and truly, she, like all not-quite-4-year-olds, are still babies.

 They both brought out the W-I-L-D in one another!  They ran circles around the house playing chase.  And there was always a toy or piece of dress up clothes flying through the air as they went from one activity to another.  All I could do was laugh with them them!  They were having too much fun!  They are so close even to be so young.  They are like sisters and I am glad they have that kind of relationship, just in case they don't have an actual biological sister.  I know that having a sister is truly a gift and every girl needs one.. or at the very least, someone like a sister.






The dance party was a pretty fun night.  I turned on silly songs and the silliness came out.  It was Laila's idea to put on the costumes and then the dancing began.  Laila kept telling Emma, "Dance like me, Emma!"  I don't know if Emma ever really did, but it was fun anyway.  Even Chuck and I got in on the action, which brought about even more giggles from the girls!

 We all had a blast this week.  The girls were so sweet as they played together and it gave me an idea of what life will be like in a couple of years... Laila and Emma are 22 months apart and Emma and her baby brother will be 28 months apart.  It will be interesting to see how Emma takes on her role as Big Sister... I know she will be great.

Baby

I have an elbow or knee or foot or something poking around in my rib cage.  Baby boy has finally gotten big enough/positioned himself perfectly for jabbing my ribs.  I like it though.  I like to feel him move around.  It is reassuring that he is doing well.

I remember Emma liked the same spot to push on too.  Maybe it's the way I'm shaped that causes my babies to gravitate toward that particular spot.  Who knows... In any event, I find it fascinating.  So much about pregnancy is fascinating to me.  I love reading about all the developments that babies undergo in the womb.  It is truly amazing, miraculous!

I have to admit, though, I am not a good pregnant woman.  I don't enjoy it like so many women do.  And, if I could have children without being pregnant, I would.  Yeah, I know about adoption and surrogates and all that, but that's not what I'm talking about.

But, don't get me wrong... I will endure anything and everything for my children.  No matter how much I don't enjoy pregnancy, I gladly will do it for my babies.

I am on the countdown, though.  Thirteen weeks from now... possibly sooner... I will deliver this sweet baby.  I am looking forward to getting him here.  And, I really can't wait until Emma meets him.  I am pretty sure that she is going to love him, adore him.  She loves babies...

And I love them both!

Itty Bitties

Check out one of my new Itty Bitty Sessions.  Definitely has me anxious to welcome my sweet baby boy in just a few weeks!

Create your own video slideshow at animoto.com.

Excitement

Our Saturday was FILLED with excitement!  How about yours?

We rolled out of bed and began getting ready for the first of two birthday parties.  While getting ready, Chuck and I got Emma to sing Happy Birthday so that she would be all practiced up and ready to sing when the time came.  She got quite the kick out of singing Happy Birthday all morning!  Though, she made it know she would rather sing Jingle Bells.  She has gotten quite good at it, now that her Christmas play is over... Oh well, maybe next year!

Once we were dressed, we made a mad dash out the door to get to the first party.  It was a super cute 'Tea Party' complete with tutus and bow ties!  And, it was located at the Dentzel Carousel, which is this old, beautiful carousel here in town.  As soon as we opened the door to go in, Emma began to squeal.  She was so excite!  She has been to several parties there and can NEVER get enough of riding the animals round and round.  Thankfully, Chuck went with us and I didn't have to ride.  I used to love anything that spun you around as a child, but I absolutely cannot take it these days!  Just thinking of it makes me dizzy... and queasy.

After several rides and lots of cake and ice cream, it was time for the party to end, but not before receiving her party favors... cotton candy, a balloon, and a 'purse' shaped treat bag.  She had such a good time and cried when it was time to leave.

Little did she know that the next party we were going to was also at the carousel.  But, we had a little time to kill first, so we ran back to the house and let me grab a snack since I missed breakfast.  Chuck stayed in the car with Emma while I ran inside to pick up something for us to snack on.  When I came back out, she was still clutching her basket, which is the purse shaped treat bag, and chattering about it.  She wanted her cheese and milk, but didn't want to let go of her basket.  It took her a little while, but she managed to get her basket stuffed beside her in her seat so that her hands were free.

Back we went to the carousel, and as soon as we pulled up, she started squealing again.  She was ready to ride.  Chuck got her out of her seat and tried to convince her to leave her basket.  No way was she leaving it behind.  So, in we went with her basket  in tow.

She rode the carousel again and again without even beginning to loosen her grip on her basket.  Even as it was time to sit down for cake, pizza and ice cream, she still clung to it.  After a few more rides on the carousel... still hanging on to her purse... it was time to go and Emma was worn out!

We got home and Chuck put her down for a nap.  I heard the ordeal over the monitor, but didn't see it.  When Chuck came out, Emma was wailing and he explained that he took her basket before putting her down for her nap.  As tired as she was, I really thought that she would fall asleep quickly and forget about the basket.  No such luck... she kept crying.  So, I took all the stuff out of her basket and took it to her.  As soon as I walked in her room, Emma said 'Daddy take away' and started to cry again.  I assured her that Daddy was only trying to take care of her and finally got her calm.  She went on to sleep and I tried to pick up around the house.

While Emma napped, I tried to pick up around our house, but didn't make any progress.  Then it was time for me to get ready.  Chuck and I had a date planned for the night.  We were going to Jackson for dinner and to see Riverdance.

Emma finally woke up and I got her ready to go to Chuck's parents' house for the night.  We backed out of the driveway and Chuck said, "You think we should turn on the outside lights?"  I said that I would if he wanted me to.  He decided he did and as I was getting out he said, "Be sure you set the alarm."  So, I ran in, turned on the lights and set the alarm.  Off we went.

We got Emma settled and headed to Jackson.  We listened to the Saints game on the way and hope to catch the end of it at one of the restaurants.  Just as we pulled in to park, Chuck's phone rang.  It was our alarm company.  Our alarm was going off at home and they were checking to see if it were an accident.  We told them to send the police to check things out and then began the panicking.   Chuck called one of our neighbors and asked him to dive by and check things out.  He did, and said that he didn't see anything.  The cops got there while he was there.  They checked things out and found our laundry room window was raised an inch or two.  Not something that we had done... Once they finished walking around the house and determined that  everything was okay, they left.

Then, Chuck called a friend of his, who just happens to own the alarm company we use.  His friend went to our house and actually went in to look around.  From what he could tell, nothing had been bothered... not that he would have been able to tell, our house was a wreck!  But, anyway, he thought that the balloon from the birthday party had set it off.  We decided that he was probably right, but were still very unsettled about the window.

We stayed in Jackson long enough to have dinner, not that we had much of an appetite, and see Riverdance.  It was captivating!  I have seen Lord of the Dance, so I had an idea of how great it would be.  However, Chuck didn't know what to expect.  He was just as amazed as I was.  We were able to relax a little and enjoy the rest of our evening.

When we got home, we checked every room, door and window, but didn't find anything out of place.  Then we decided to try a little experiment with the balloon and the alarm.  No matter what we tried, we were unable to trigger the alarm with the balloon.  So, that brought back up the uneasiness and violation we felt earlier.

Chuck decided to get his gun out of the truck and put it by our bed, where it once always stayed.  We set the alarm and went to bed hoping to get a little sleep.  Luckily, we were able to and no more alarms sounded during the night.  We woke up still feeling a little violated and determined that never again would we walk away from our house without setting the alarm.  We have had all the excitement we could ever want as far as that goes!

Celebrating

I was late sending my Christmas cards out, so I guess it's no big deal that I am late posting it for all to see.  Hope that all of you had a 2010 filled with as much joy as ours was.  And, that 2011 bring even more joy your way!

Much love!

Ba Humbug! And Guilt.

This was the way I felt throughout most of the Christmas season.  Unfortunately, I never did get into the Christmas spirit.  A lot of it was stuff that I had going on and didn't want to talk about and part of it was the fact that I was stressed to the max working to achieve 'the perfect Christmas.'

Seriously, my Christmas tree sat in my house for days without me so much as looking at it.  And, the only reason I did finally decorate it was because Chuck was going to if I didn't.  Don't get me wrong, I love him to death.  Really, I do.  But, decorating is NOT his strong suit.  Which means that the only reason I decorated the tree is so that it would look okay.  Terrible, I know.  But, I didn't really want the tree once we got it, and then I REALLY didn't want it to be in my house decorated by anyone but me.

And, the outside of our house?  Well, Chuck handled it.  And, he did a good job with it... minus fluffing the bows, and they needed fluffing!  But I just couldn't bring myself to get out there and fluff them or the artificial trees that sat by our front door.  Or the wreaths, either.  The mailbox decorations even fell halfway off and I left it hanging.  I don't know who finally fixed it, maybe the mailman or a perfectionist neighbor, maybe even Chuck, but not me.

And, gifts... oh, the gifts.  I struggled in that department as well.  I spent less than I usually do, which was a good thing.  But, I wasn't happy with the gifts I chose for my family.  I felt that I didn't put in the thought that they all deserved.  And, I was up late Christmas Eve wrapping because I didn't care anything about it.  I didn't do bows, which I usually love.

I felt terrible throughout the entire Christmas season because Chuck and Emma were into it.  And the more I tried to just let go of all the pressures the more they got to me.  It was such a vicious cycle that the worse I felt, the worse I kept feeling.

I did finally find a glimmer of joy Christmas morning while I watched Emma's face.  Too bad it was clouded with the guilt I felt for being anything but chipper about the holidays.

Then, as we rushed around getting ready to go to my Grandmother's house for lunch, Emma played on my bed.  And, as she was playing, I was watching her while putting on my make-up.  I saw it happening, but couldn't stop it.  She was trying to stand up on my bed and her feet were tangled in the covers.  She fell and I lunged for her.  But it was too late.  She hit the floor, head first.  My heart stopped.  She screamed.  I gathered her up in my arms and hugged and kissed her as I checked her out and cried.  All I could think about were the stories I have heard about kids her age having falls that seemed minor, but resulted in MAJOR head trauma.  However, there wasn't so much as a red spot to be seen on her.  And, silently I thanked God for that, all the while asking for forgiveness for being so crabby.

Emma stopped crying for the most part, but wouldn't let me put her down.  She became hysterical if I so much as tried.  Because I needed to get ready, I took her in the bathroom, sat down in the floor and sat her in my lap.  I was drying my hair.  I let the air hit her hair and it blew it in all directions.  But, mostly, it moved it away from her ear.  I saw it then.  There was the beginnings of a bruise on the top of her ear.  I didn't even know that you could bruise the top of your ear!  I showed it to Chuck and he commented on how bad he felt.

Seconds after that, it started.  Blood came flowing out of her ear.  I couldn't help it.  I freaked out, started screaming at Chuck to look, even though he was just a few feet away.  He said we had to go to the ER and my heart sank.  I jumped up out of the floor, scaring Emma and causing her to cry, and got dressed in seconds.  I was dressed, had gathered up Emma's things and had her loaded in the car before Chuck could get dressed.

We darted to the ER, me crying and panicking all the way.  Chuck let me and Emma out at the front door and went to park.  I could see it all over the nurses faces as we walked in... another over-protective parent bringing in their child for a fever/cough/cold/etc.

They definitely weren't expecting what came out of my mouth.  I told them that Emma fell off the bed and had blood coming from her ear.  In those next fractions of fractions of a second, everyone's demeanor changed.  The room filled with tension and seriousness that I have never experienced and hope to never experience again.  The nurse at the desk yelled to the other nurses, "Major Trauma Stat!"

 If it were possible for me to become more of a basket case, well, I did.  The nurse was about to take Emma from me and head to the back while the nurse up front was getting our information.  She asked for our address and I couldn't even answer.  I let Chuck take over and headed to the back with Emma.

The nurses came in and got her vitals and the doctor soon followed.  I relived the incident each time I told a nurse or doctor why we were there.  They checked her eyes, which were fine, then her ears.  Both eardrums looked perfectly normal, yet there was the blood that we couldn't explain.  The doctor ordered a CT scan and as we waited for that, Emma started dozing off in my arms.  It made both me and Chuck uneasy, so we kept her awake until we could get a nurse back in there.  She told us that it was okay for her to nod off, but to wake her periodically.

We were finally called back for the CT scan, and being pregnant, I couldn't stay with her.  Chuck was with her the whole time and I stood outside and watched the computer screens as they displayed images of my baby's brain.  I know nothing about CT scans or how to read them, but my instincts told me that the images I saw were normal.  Why?  I don't know, but as I looked at her scans on the screen, nothing seemed to stand out as different from one side to the other... everything looked symmetrical.  All I could do was hope and pray that my instincts were right.

After her CT scan, I carried her back to the room and waited.  Luckily, there wasn't much activity going on in the ER that morning and it didn't take long to get the results.  They came back clear, no sign of trauma whatsoever.  After a little more fussing over her, the doctor said that the blood, more than likely, came from a cut in her ear... She has tubes, so that is probably what cut the inside of her ear.  They brought her release papers and we were then able to go home.

As much as I was so thankful that we were able to go home, I was scared.  What if something happened after we left?  What if the doctor missed something?  What if she fell asleep for a nap and never woke up again?  What if she fell and just barely bumped her head and that caused something to happen that wouldn't have before the fall.

I spent the rest of Christmas day and the following days uneasy.  I was worried about Emma, I couldn't sleep, I felt so guilty.  Maybe if I had been more excited about Christmas this wouldn't have happened.

I guess I have still been feeling guilty about the whole incident because as much a I didn't want the decorations in my house, and couldn't wait to take them down, I left them up.  They were up until today.  I couldn't bring myself to take them down.  Emma has enjoyed the decorations since they first went up and I guess I felt like I owed it to her to leave them.  Even though the ornaments were falling off the tree because it had become limp, I left it.

And, now that the decorations are down, and Emma hasn't had the slightest bit of trouble since her fall, maybe I can begin to let it go and forgive myself.  I don't know how parents get through major accidents involving their children, even when there was no way they could have prevented it.  I can't imagine what they feel, and my heart goes out to them.

My heart still breaks and guilt still tries to take over when I think about Emma falling off the bed.  She brings me her baby dolls and tells me they bumped their head.  I even over hear her talking to them, comforting them, after they have 'bumped their heads.'  It seems to be the going theme around our house.

I have to admit, though, that I hope this theme  passes quickly.  It is a reminder of a piece of Christmas that I would like to put behind us.  I know that accidents happen, but I still can't completely let go of the fact that she fell and I couldn't get to her in time.

I am working on forgiving myself.  Luckily, she has already forgiven me, or maybe she never felt the need to forgive me.  I don't know.  Either way, she is still the sweet, loving child that she has always been with me.  She never turned me away and actually asked for me for comfort through the whole ordeal, so maybe I should take that as my sign to let it go.

Like I said, I'm working on it...

30 Days of Truth... Day 8

No, you haven't missed the first seven... I just ran across this on one of the blogs that I follow... A Hasty Life written by Ashley.  I liked today's prompt, so I decided to follow her lead.  I may or may not do more of these.  Guess it depends on the prompt...

Anyway, sorry for being MIA... I have been dealing with internalizing some things and haven't been able to get a sentence typed out.  Not that today is any better, but, oh well.  At least this prompt gets me going in a different direction and allows me to get my mind on something different for a few minutes.

I'll catch you up on our Christmas soon, maybe even post some pictures!  Now, on to today's last Sunday's prompt!

DAY 8: Someone who made your life hell or treated you like s#!+

There have been several of those people over the years.  And, for the most part, I cut them out of my life quickly and effortlessly.  However, there have been some that haven't been so easily dealt with.  Like in grade school when you had no choice but to go and deal with the same people, telling the same lies, day after miserable day.  I admit, it bothered me for a while.  But, then I came to realize that even though they may tell lies about me and be my friend one day second and foe the next, it really had nothing to do with me.  It wasn't easy, realizing this at that time.  But, eventually, with the support and guidance of my Mom and a few others, I finally got it.  

Funny thing is, even though I am two and a half hours from the town I grew up in, and at least that far from the majority of those people, I still hear about them and their lives.  Between visiting back home and the magic of Facebook, I get just enough information to know that somethings never change.  And, though I don't need to be reminded, I am... It really never was about ME.  I just happened to be convenient.  

Now days, when I find people like this trying to creep into my life, I am better able to cut them out more quickly and easily... without too much emotional damage.  However, there are still one or two that, though I can distance myself, I can't cut them out completely without causing more damage than letting them stay causes.  It drives me insane, too, because I don't handle fakeness well.  And, that comes with the territory.  I am polite and civil with these people, which is all that I can be.  Sometimes I feel that it comes across as fake, which I guess it is.  But, what's a girl to do?  It is really the fakeness of the other person that gets to me.  You know the ones... the ones who literally act as if you hung the moon to your face, or rather in front certain people, and then you become the scum of the earth when certain people aren't around.  That's what drives me insane.

But, anyway, I am slowing learning to not even let that bother me.  I have been doing quite well with it, too, on most occasions.  But, you know the days, the ones when you just can't deal.  They still happen.  Oh, well.

Like I said, I don't know if I'll participate in any more days of truth, but you should definitely go over and check out Ashley's blog... A Hasty Life.  It is always a good read!